Mellie's Terrifying Riegn of Craziness
by Mellie Patronizes Idiots
Summary: Mellie is a U.S citizen forced to live at Urahara shop due to an owed favor. I DON'T OWN BLEACH. TITE KUBO DOES. Set after Fullbring arc. I didn't read the manga so sorry if I don't incorporate the Blood War arc.
1. Prolouge

Mellie's Terrifying Reign Of Craziness

Now before you go getting the idea that this fanfic is about a beautiful girl wooing the heart of the coldest captain in the Gotei Thirteen, let me describe her. I am going really into detail so pay attention. Every bit is important. Here we go.

Her name is Mellie Cooper. She is thirteen and a resident of the smallest state in the U.S. Mellie is 5'5.5 (or five feet and five and a half inches tall.) Her eyebrows are slightly uneven and a little unkempt. They are more boy-like than feminine. She has a longish nose that is usually scrunched up in irritation. Her lips are bright red due to her always chewing them. She has black braces and a missing canine tooth. Her skin is a peachy white. She has bony fingers. I am going to explain something and I don't want you to think that she has powers over ice or anything. She doesn't. She is human with low-but-growing spirit pressure. Anyway, her skin is always cold to the touch, reasons unknown. Her face is fox like in shape. One of her only good qualities is her eyes. They are green and blue swirled together with a freckle in her right eye. She is averagely skinny although you can see a few ribs under her skin due to forgetting to eat. Lastly, her hair. Mellie's hair comes to just above her shoulder. It is layered and sometimes sticks out in a cat like way. She has bangs that completely cover her forehead and come to rest atop her eyelashes, when her eyes are open. There. Now you know she is NOT a beauty or someone whose power rival's Ichigo's. Now onto the story. (P.s If you can't stand quite a bit of introductory before the shinagami really come in….then don't read this.)

Prologue

"WHAT?!" some people would have gone dead silent, but everyone was used to Tiara's constant yelling so business in the English room went on, undisturbed.

Though a few people stopped over to the person in question's desk. They were Rosie, Jazzie, Moxie, and Ana. They are Mellie and Tiara's friends. What had just happened was Mellie told Tii she didn't want to go to the dance that night. Once the others found out, they gawked at her incredulously. They had heard her planning her outfit for weeks and obsessing over what music they'd be playing. Even going as far as to nag the Dj! So why wasn't she going? Her excuse; "I'm ill." She rumbled. Oh yeah she rumbles and has got a gravelly voice. Rosie was about to protest when a soft hand rested on her rapidly whitening knuckles. Blue eyes locked with blank green ones and a heart-melting smile. Mellie then proceeded to smirk and hooted, "BESIDES, YOU WANNA SEE YOUR CRUSHES IN HOT-ASS COSTUMES!" Then she was lost again, under the giggling fists of her closest friends. But later that night, when she wished her pals well, her mother crept into the room and placed a solemn hand on her darling daughter's shoulder. Screaming and crying Mellie ordered her mother out of her room, snot dripped down to her lip and she wiped it away roughly. Rough feet scraped against polished hardwood, closet doors were thrown open and abruptly, gingerly a silk blue dress was slid on over blotchy skin. Mellie scampered to her twin bed and curled up in a ball. Deep down she knew this was coming. She really honest to goodly knew, this was coming and wished to be at the dance. But at the same time, she was glad she wasn't there. She was almost, happy that she was somewhere other than the place where she would've broken down, much, much sooner.

The following weekend, after a majority of her belongings were packed into big boxes and the international mover-men took away her furniture, Mellie stood looking at her barren purple walls, sighed and closed the door with an unsatisfying click. Deliberately, she ascended the creaky stairs into the foyer below. Arms wrapped around her legs, neck, waist and eyes, as her sobbing friends tried desperately to drag her away from the door. Mellie shook them off and twirled on her heel to face them. "Hey, it's only for a while," she smiled "I will see you soon." Kissed them each on the cheek turned slowly and hopped into her mother's versa. The car ride to Providence seemed to take a very long time. As time crept by Mellie leaned forward and cranked the music to 30 and faced the window. Penny Souza-Cooper usually wasn't one to take this amount of disrespect but… today was a severe exception to the rule. She turned the music down to 10 and opened her mouth to speak then snapped it closed when Mellie whipped around and fixed her mother with a chilling glare. Penny breathed deeply when she pulled into the airport drop-off round about. She leaned over the center console smooched Mellie and waved a slow goodbye. Mellie mumbled goodbye, tightened her grip on the backpack straps and marched inside. Then she charged out and snatched her passport from her mother's outstretched palm. "Thanks." She grumbled and slunk back to the entrance.


	2. Chapter 1

Kisuke Urahara was in an unusually bad mood. He snapped at sweet Ururu for doing a horrid job of sweeping the Shop front and hissed at Yoruichi when she asked him to pass the salt. Tessai stood quietly in the corner waiting for Yoruichi to blow her top. He did not have to wait very long. She shouted at Kisuke for being an ass then asked him 'What the hell' was wrong. Tessai chose this moment to step out of his shadowy accommodation and inquire if this had anything to do with a favor owed to a certain Penny Souza. Kisuke's eyes flashed and he nodded. He lowered himself onto the low tabletop in the center of the room and gestured for Tessai and Yoruichi to do the same. "I met Penny Souza when Tessai and I travelled to America to get merchandise we couldn't get here. We travelled through our own senkimon and landed in what was considered the smallest state in the Americas. We went to drop by their marketplaces but we heard the echo from a call of a Hollow." He paused for breath and always-quiet Tessai picked up where he left off. "At first we didn't think we needed to intervene but when the high-pitched screaming began, we stepped in," Yoruichi cut him off and leaned forward, interestedly. "But where were the Soul Reapers protecting the town?" Kisuke and Tessai shrugged. "When we arrived, the Hollow was gone but the damage was done. There was a woman," Yoruichi slapped the table quickly as if she were attempting to answer first in a game show. "It was Penny, right?" When both Kisuke and Tessai nodded, she sat back satisfied and allowed them to continue their tale. "Kisuke stepped forward and pulled at her arm. At first she wouldn't respond but slowly with more prodding, she unfurled her arms that hugged a bundle close to her chest and held that bundle out. It was a child that had been cut down the middle." Yoruichi covered her mouth in a silent scream. "The poor child! Was it like Sarugaki?" Kisuke caught her eye and continued the story. "The girl must have been only three or four. Tessai healed the child and we were on our way." Yoruichi frowned. "Yeah, but if that's all that happened, why do _you_ owe _her _a favor?" Kisuke laughed aloud and explained that she had allowed them to stay with her for the year because their senkimon wasn't working and when the police dropped by to ask about stolen goods, she lead them off track. It cost her position as deputy officer and she went back to school to become a nurse. Tessai and Kisuke ended up spending five years there; they looked after the child and became her adoptive uncles. Yoruichi clapped excitedly. "So that's why! Wow Kisuke you're such a sucker!" she rolled off the table clutching her stomach, rolling about the shop laughing like a Looney-bird. Just as Kisuke was about to smack Yoruichi upside the head, a loud knock resounded around the abruptly silent shop. Tessai shot up and hurried to open it, Kisuke following slowly behind. "Welcome to my shop," he smiled from behind his fan and closed his eyes, portraying a happy old man. He cracked one eye open, whipped his fan shut with a snap and stopped smiling. The people at the door were hulking beasts of men, one with a clipboard and the other a set of keys dangling from his frayed belt loop. " Are you the men who are to deliver Melody's furniture?" Hulk #1 nodded and tossed Tessai the clipboard before stepping off briskly toward the giant truck with his partner. Tessai asked Kisuke for a pen and in return got a hiss. When Hulk #1 called out for identification that this was indeed the correct house and had they signed the friggin' waver yet, Tessai replied by asking for a pen, quite haughtily might I add. Hulk #2 narrowed his eyes at Tessai proceeding to slice at Kisuke with his dagger like gaze. He unloaded a black metal bed frame in one trip, and as he trudged past Kisuke he blurted, "Y'all ain't no pedophiles right?" Lost for words, Kisuke's mind floundered for a snarky reply and came up with four words. "We most certainly aren't!" he exclaimed, drawing himself up to his full height of six feet. Hulk #2 shrugged, mumbled 'Just checkin' hefted the frame up the stairs to the room Tessai was leading him to. Kisuke threw a sarcastic smile at the man's back and sat with Yoruichi while waiting for the annoying Americans to leave. When the rickety 53-footer pulled away from the dusty drive, Kisuke let out his held breath.

Mellie hated taxis. They smelled of old fish and sweaty people, which definitely is a horrid and rancid combination. Gagging, Mellie took one last glance at the airport entrance. The sector she exited from had a ginormous neon sign hanging above the archway. 'THANKS! FOR FLYING TO TOKYO!' Mellie pulled her scarf over her nose and stepped haughtily into the cab. The driver smiled and turned around asking for her destination or destiny, Mellie couldn't tell. His accent was thick and his smile grew while he waited for a reply. She grimaced,"Karakura Town. And step on it, this cab reeks and I want out as fast as possible." She crossed her arms protectively over her chest and waited for the engine to restart. The now dismayed driver pulled away sullenly from the curb. The drive was almost excruciatingly quiet. "Um, hello? Snoreo man? Can you, puh-lease turn on the radio?" When the driver didn't respond, Mellie huffed and faced the grimy windows. "You really should clean this piece o' shit." she murmured. About two hours later, the cab pulled to a squeaky stop in front of the 'Welcome to Karakura Town' sign and the ignition spluttered to a halt. His pudgy fingers stretched across the back of his seat and waggled, waiting for the precious money, that would be the only plus side to this job, to be placed between his eager fingers. Mellie rummaged through her pockets, hoping to find a ten or five and came up empty. Sheepishly she jumped out, grabbed her suit case and back-pack, then took off like a racecar down the road. She swerved left and right in an crazed attempt to shake the non-existent pursuer. _Real slick Melody. Forgot all of your FUCKING CASH! _She cried out in frustration after she swerved to far left and ran into a moving wall. This moving wall happened to be Ichigo Kurosaki heading home from an exhausting day of hollow hunting and high school. "Gah! Dammit! Stupid fucking wall! Real nice!" Confused, Ichigo stood perfectly rigid, hoping that the raging tyrant of a girl wouldn't lash out and kick him. Shit hit the fan of course, when Mellie smashed his hopes into a tiny mess and burned them by swinging her left leg as hard as she could into said "wall".


	3. Chapter 2

"Gah!" Ichigo cried out. Mellie stepped back, trying to retreat from the fuming highschooler. She would've gotten away too, if Ichigo had been a normal high school guy. His battle trained body could easily keep up with the asthmatic eighth grader. (American school system. I'm not quite sure what grade she would be in, in Japan)

"Hey brat! You nailed me in the leg and you're not going to apologize?" He wrapped calloused fingers around her sweater hood and lifted her up. Mellie's eyes narrowed.

"Of course not. You were simply in the way of my hasty retreat from an unfortunate taxi driver. Having a bad day can compel humans to think and act negatively therefore you were merely a small casualty in the battle of my turbulent anger. NOW FOR FUCK'S SAKE PUT ME DOWN YOU FILTHY BASTARD!" He, before the filthy bastard bit, was lowering Mellie to the slick pavement below foot but being called crude things in front of his home, where his hyper-active father could over hear, was a bullet to his nerve system. Ichigo hoisted Mellie higher and spun her around to face him. She leered at him, flashing her braces and sharp teeth. (Well normal teeth really, but her leer and the way she attacked him like an animal earlier, Ichigo was prone to exaggerate in this predicament)

"Apologize." he demanded bluntly. Mellie gaped at him before laughing hysterically. Ichigo was not to happy with this girl and her antics. She acted confident but her accent betrayed her and the fact that she was clutching a map in the same hand that was trying to keep the hem of her sweater over the waistband of her shorts.

Ichigo sighed and put her down then kneeled next to her and wiggled the map from her reluctant fingers.

"Hey!" she yelped. Ichigo rose to his full height and kept the map out of Mellie's reaching grasp. "Give it back! I'm having a bad enough day without your bullying! I just need to get to my uncle's shop!" She gave one last feeble jump before sinking to the black pavement and curling into a ball. Ichigo felt bad, really he did but he didn't want the brat to walk away scot free. It would be a waste of an opportunity to teach someone a valuable lesson. Bullying her into it was not a good plan so he thought of another idea.

"Do you want help looking for him?" This would make him late for school and Orihime would worry, "Oh well." he sighed and then jerked back when Mellie raised her head.

Tears were trickling down from the corner of her eyes and Ichigo could see the light blush that spread across her pale cheeks. His mouth formed an o and opened then closed continuously. _So cute! _He thought.

Mellie sniffed and wobbled to her feet. In truth she was really tired. Only a day ago she found out she would have to live out the next three years with an uncle she barely remembers. She was practically thrown into a lion's cage with a piece of meat tied around her neck and no whip to defend herself. No friendly faces had shown themselves yet but someone who she had physically and verbally attacked was willing to help her out. _Perhaps...perhaps not all the people here are horrible._ Mellie leaned on Ichigo for a bit of support and gave a faint "mm".

The substitute gazed gladly at the map he now held in his hand. It had given him a chance for him to..."Hat 'n Clogs is your uncle?!" the map fluttered to the ground and Mellie glared defiantly at Ichigo.

"What? His name is, uh... Kisuke! Not Hat n' Clogs!" She bent over to grab the discarded map. She straightened and flattened the map out by rubbing it on her thigh.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!" he clapped a hand on her shoulder. "It's just that I have always called him that!"

Without turning around Mellie hissed,"Really? And have you always wanted to lose that hand?" Her threat was empty but scary as all hell. Timidly he drew his hand back and whistled trying hard to ignore the dark and ferociously angry spiritual pressure Mellie was giving off.

"Forget your help, I will find him myself. Besides the matter of your tardiness still stands." Ichigo stopped whistling and glared at Mellie. The map stuck out precariously from the back pocket of her denim shorts and her bag was hiked high on her argyle clad shoulders. Mellie smirked at him and held out her wrist for him to look at. He caught it between his thumb and forefinger.

"Dammit! I spent to much time dealing with you and now I'm twenty minutes late! See you 'round brat!" He called out as he ran towards the high school.


	4. Chapter 3

Kisuke was surprised to say the least. The furniture that Penny shipped to him was not at all like what he thought a thirteen year old girl would own. The bed was twin sized but fashioned after a wooden cot, with a stiff mattress and hand sewn quilts for covers. Her bed side table and lamp looked like they were from 1912 and just about everything else was fashioned after the same time period. There were no personal belongings in boxes, only a curtly written letter addressed to him from his old time friend.

_Dear Kisuke,_

_I have incinerated all of Melody's personal belongings in fear that Koyuki will find her. He has been on the hunt as of late and this is why I send her to you. As I told you long ago I was lost in the Shadows for a long period of time and Koyuki took me as his wife. But it is a draining place and I suppose leaking information to enemies and running away with his life forces was a bad idea. After I fled, I had Melody with Sean. Koyuki attacked Melody and then killed Sean on her seventh birthday as a warning to me that he was coming for revenge. I fear my days are numbered old friend. Please take care of my dear Melody for me._

He trembled slightly and called out for Tessai to come read the letter. As soon as Tessai did he looked worriedly toward the sky.

"She is forbidden to own any personal belongings other than those she carries with her when she arrives and," Kisuke sighed, "she can't know of Koyuki and Soul Reapers." He slapped the letter aggressively against the bed side table. "Dammit!" Kisuke hollered, unintentionally grabbing the interest of a passing Yoruichi.

"Hm? Kisuke what's the matter with you?" she asked cautiously in fear of retaliation. Kisuke was never an easy man to read to begin with, 100 years pass and he's no different. But when he gets like this, wearing his heart on his sleeve and no hat too hide his eyes it's dangerous to be near him.

Yoruichi was handed the letter by a solemn Tessai. Her dark hands let the paper flutter to the floor and wound themselves around Kisuke's middle. Judging by his reaction she was able to gauge how close Penny and him had been.

"You care a lot about her huh?" Yoruichi placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and held him loosely at arm's length. He sighed and nodded. Tessai took the opportunity to describe Penny and three year old Melody. Apparently Penny was a beautiful women. She had short dark locks of silky hair and was always seen playing with Melody or buying Melody a book. Her hazel eyes were a warm place to retreat to after a hard or bad day. Her laugh was what got you though. It was sweet and melodious almost like the sound of the warm summer breeze or the song of the morning doves.

Yoruichi could practically see her in the mind's eye. She gestured to Tessai, eager for him to go on and prattle about little Mellie. Melody was an off kid. Whether this had to do with Koyuki remained undecided. She had the brightest smile and strawberry blond that stuck out in odd angles like she had bed head all the time. Her bright aqua eyes (I've got no idea how to describe them in one word) always on books or the TV screen watching the discovery channel which she liked better than going and playing with the other children in the neighborhood. Melody liked pranking them though, that was something Tessai remembered distinctly. She would tape string across the doorways to their condos regardless of whether the parent or child walked out first. The sad thing was that she absolutely refused to join Tessai, Kisuke, and Penny at the beach. Immediately Yoruichi knew why.

"That is because of the..the scar?" A now brightened Kisuke confirmed her suspicion grabbed his displaced hat and waved good-bye, murmuring something about buying Melody a book.

Heartened by the conversation Tessai hurried away in search of Jinta and Ururu to help him straighten up the place. Yoruichi busied herself by tidying the already clean room.

* * *

Mellie was beginning to severely regret not taking up Ichigo on his offer to help her find the Urahara Shoten. She slipped in four "frickin'" puddles and nearly got run over by a recklessly maneuvered pink limo. Twice. She would have bet all the pickles in the world that they had purposely done that, taken a turn around somewhere and wheeled back around just to screw with her.

Only twenty minutes after that, a bunch of sweaty middle school boys tried to flirt with her. In response she had swung the duffle bag containing her song book, instructional books and portable keyboard at them and sent them skittering away like cockroaches. They hollered insults at her (a safe distance away of course, they couldn't risk damaging their "dazzling" good looks because of some mental American girl) but she ignored them and continued wandering aimlessly through the streets of Karakura.

It started to rain. Not a light easy rain that if the need was felt, someone could dance about in. Hardly. It was a tumultuous downpour that beat the ground in sync with Mellie's terrible mood. She mulled over the severity of the problem. If she could not find her family before night fall, she would have no where to stay. On top of that, she had no money!

Pink and orange streaked the sky as her eyes perused the horizon they darkened into a golden yellow and the colors of night could be seen creeping over the far away mountains. She sighed and tumbled backwards onto the nearest stoop then lay down. Without moving her head, she traced the letters of the sign with her eyes. The smell surrounding the building was that of a clinic. _Oh good. If I pass out or get pneumonia I can rest in a hospital. _She lay on her back in a deepening puddle with her eyes closed. She smiled as the rain lessened and landed softly on her red cheeks.

"...hey..."

"HEY!" Mellie tried to respond but her mind came up blank and she couldn't open her eyes. As far as she could tell, it was from delayed shock. The shock of leaving home, her mother's indifference, and the ever-growing loneliness. Strong arms wrapped around her and lifted her bridal-style as they hurried into the hospital.

"Dad! Yuzu! Karin! Hello?" Unconsciously Mellie snuggled closer to this warm person. She would have to thank them when she woke up.

* * *

Ichigo was NOT expecting to ever see that girl again. He actually was hoping he wouldn't. But as he hefted his bag over his head to stave off the rain he couldn't help but feel a little bad. He hoped she got to Kisuke's all right. The clinic came into view and Ichigo rushed forward gratefully before slowing when he saw the dead body.

Wait, no that's wrong. It was smiling and breathing. He leaned over it trying to keep the rain off and started when he realized it was the same girl from before. He called out to her twice and got no response. Panicking he scooped her up in his arms and slammed the clinic doors open.

"Dad! Yuzu! Karin! Hello?" Ichigo felt her shift in his arms and looked down nervously. The girl's breathing had slowed, she was resting her head against his chest and clutching the front of his uniform with little fists. It was then that Isshin and Yuzu tore around the corner with a stretcher. Following their strict instructions, Ichigo laid her down gently and tried to stand up straight. Her hands tightened and a frown adorned her features. He guided her hands to his fingers and walked by the stretcher.

Exactly an hour and forty-five minutes afterwards Isshin diagnosed her with a rising fever and the chills. He said that if Ichigo hadn't found her when he did she would be in worse shape. The whole time Isshin and Yuzu had to work around him because the girl refused to let go of Ichigo's hand.

Two o' clock in the morning was when she finally woke up. Ichigo raised his head from the side of her cot and met her sleepy gaze. "Thanks." she said as she sat up. She swung her legs off the cot and grabbed her nearby bags.

"Where are you going?" Ichigo asked her, concerned.

"To my uncle's. I haven't, well I didn't find it last night and that's why I was passed out outside your home." Red-faced and embarrassed she swallowed her pride and asked him to take her to Kisuke. He agreed and started towards the door when he felt a tug at the back of his rumpled shirt. She looked like a lobster, her face was so red.

"I feel dizzy and wobbly so is there any way you could, you know?" She didn't met his eyes but he bent over so she could climb onto his back. He could feel her body radiating heat. Out of the corner of his eyes he caught her trying to keep her eyes open.

"If you need to sleep, then just sleep." he commented. Her response was along the lines that she didn't trust him not to violate her, but her speech was to slurry for him to actually understand her.

Quietly, he slipped out of the clinic and started down the road. The girl's wet hair danced against his exposed collarbone and made him shudder. The morning was cold enough already without her wet hair dripping down his shirt. She was breathing softly, asleep. He took this opportunity to use a higher plane of speed.

They reached the shop around three in the morning.

* * *

Yoruichi didn't notice at first, but when Ichigo's over-whelming spiritual pressure neared the shop, she jolted awake. Hurriedly she woke Kisuke and Tessai then the hurried to the front of the shop.

Ichigo's reiatsu was hovering outside the door, as if he was contemplating whether or not to knock. Yoruichi made the decision for him when she called out to him.

"Come in, Ichigo." The door slid open. At first all they could see was his feet, and he seemed to be struggling for a way to open the door. Tessai went away to brew some tea for their late, or rather, early visitor.

Finally the door opened and Ichigo stepped inside. Accompanying his orange mess of hair was a much longer strawberry blond mess resting on his shoulder. he jostled this mass of hair and it stirred grumpily almost drunkenly taking the room. It slid from his back and Melody Cooper stood there in all her feverish glory.

Her red high-tops were untied and soggy. Her white sweater was rumpled revealing the light pink blouse beneath it and her jean shorts were hanging low, exposing bits of her striped panties.

The second a drop of water from the tips of her soaking hair hit the floor, she spoke.

"Hello Uncle Kisuke. Long time no see."


End file.
